Pastor Everson's Eulogy

Bonnie transcribed a tape of Duane's eulogy from dad's funeral. Below is a copy.


Funeral message for Marland from Rev. Duane Everson
Nov. 14, 2006

Here’s the verse that I underscore:
“I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they live. Moreover, it is God’s gift to all that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in their toil. I know that whatever God does endures forever, nothing can be added to it or anything taken from it. God has done this so that all can stand before Him.”

Family and friends of Marland, who have gathered in this place, this territory right here now where we know that there is plenty love, and there’s plenty joy, and there’s plenty hope and there’s plenty power to wipe away all gloom. That doesn’t mean we don’t have tears on a day like this. But we’re talking about joy that wipes away gloom. And we’re here today not because somebody has died, but because somebody has lived. That’s already evident from the testimony of the grandkids. Somebody has touched our lives. Somebody has loved us and we have loved in return. Somebody has walked with us and talked with us…a husband of 57 years and a father of 4 precious kids. .a father-in-law… a brother, a grandfather, and a great grandfather… and for many of us a dear old friend. And to say that we are here because somebody has lived is not to deny the reality of death. For death is real. I often say that we sorry and grieve when people die because that’s the price we pay for loving. So, pay the price. Family and friends, pay the price.. and pay it up well. For having loved and had a family member and friend like Marland. We pay the price when we lose loved ones. The Ecclesiastes writer reminds us that there’s a time for every purpose under heaven, so you can’t get born without dying and that statements applies to all of us in this special place, this afternoon. A time for everything under heaven, so it’s reasonable to assume that life is seasonal. It keeps coming and keeps going. It keeps moving forward. But the focus is always on life. Not on death. Edna Melay said “I shall die, but that’s all I’m going to do for death. For I am not on death’s payroll.”

Life……that’s why we’re here today. We remember somebody who lived life, who expressed life in many ways, in a unique way, as only he could do. He knew he was one of God’s kids…not a perfect one, of course. He knew he was forgiven and he lived by God’s grace. We’re here to express gratitude because when somebody we love dies or somebody we called a “friend” dies, death can’t take the memories away from us. In fact it cultivates that memory because now that is what we have to hang on to so all of us will write our own obituary of Marland…in our hearts and minds…and our memory. And I invite you to take something that you got from him to carry with you the rest of your life. We’re here to worship in this still, special place, where there’s a lot of love and joy and hope and power. Why? Because Jesus is here. And if He wouldn’t be here, we wouldn’t be here.

This is a worship service. Marland enjoyed worship. He did it whenever he could. And I had a chance, in this place, to worship with Marland and LaVerne…. one Sunday morning…78 years of Ecclesiastes…coming and going…being born and being buried. ….and planting and harvesting hay and everything else. Read his obituary. He put a lot into those 78 years. He wanted to live to be 100. He thought he might. His mom and dad lived to be 99 and 98. He thought he had he real good genes. In the night in the hospital when you called and said, “will you come up and help us tell Marland that they’re not going to do any more treatments because the cancer has penetrated his brain in a way that the laser we had planned to do won’t be of any value.” I came as his friend and there’s no easy way to say this to somebody that you love…I’ve had to say it many times in my life …but this was a tough time. And he listened and he accepted and instead of thinking about himself, he did say this; “I thought I was going to beat this. I thought I beat this.” And then he talked about his dad, who was a farmer and that he went and helped with the farming after he graduated from high school… for many years. And he told with deep sensitivity, and Marland was a very sensitive person that could cry could at the drop of a ---, especially about stories of vulnerable, poor people; people that didn’t have quite as good a chance as the rest of us had; that touched his heart strings and tempered his soul, so that you could see his baby eyes fill up with beautiful tears. I saw it many times. And he told about his dad…50 years he was blind…and then he wept when he said “I never heard him complain once”. Not once…You see, he had good genes all right. That’s why he learned how to live.

I’ve known Marland and LaVerne for 12 years. They became my neighbors in Pheasantwood. We met you briefly on a Saturday and being familiar with the Jefferson and German lake area after living in your beautiful home there for many years, they showed up at my little church on German Lake on Sunday morning. And I always welcome the visitors. “Any visitors here today?” I said on that Sunday and they raised their hand and I thought “I should know those people. Where do I know them from?” And of course, me, with my big mouth, I said, “ Tell us who you are.” And they said “We’re your next door neighbors.” Well, I’m used to being made a fool so I took it in stride. And I’m glad you were our next door neighbors. And you know, many of you don’t know this, but we became close friends. And we got a friendship ritual going. It’s almost unheard of. But they were used to this in Mesa, where every day at 4:00 they had their little time together …yeah..yeah… So we have been meeting together almost every Monday night for 10 years, at least the 6 months they were here. And we looked forward to that. Marland would get out of the hayfield…you know Jeff worked him so hard…we were supposed to be together at 5:30 and he’d come in at 5:25 and take a shower and get dressed up like he was really going some place important. And then we would sit down and we would talk. How did we talk for 3 hours? It was unbelievable. We talked a lot about you kids. I won’t tell those stories though, Ann, Susan, Bonnie, Steven. And then once in a while he would say, “Did we come here to talk or to drink?” He loved his Lord Calvert. I was hoping I would be able to have one more tip with him. We didn’t overdo it, of course. I’m a Lutheran pastor but I finished what remained in that bottle last night. I had that much left for Marland and I talked to him in my spirits. A unique person….

and the word that kept coming to me in my sleep when I took this as a challenge and an honor to speak to you people today….The word that kept flooding my mind was enjoy…enjoy…enjoy . He really enjoyed life. He was a unique individual. That’s why I picked this one verse. “nothing better than for them to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they lived and take pleasure in all their toil.” He even enjoyed making hay with you, Jeff. It wasn’t work to him. I’m going to read the 23rd Psalm because that kind of sets the stage. The reason Marland could have so much enjoyment of so many things in life and so many people in life is that he had the deep down joy inside. Leo Bascalia said “God’s not going to ask us on Judgment Day ‘how come you didn’t become this or that or the other person’. God’s going to ask us ‘How come you didn’t dare become you? Because you’re the only you I made. And if you didn’t have the courage to become you, then somehow my great mosaic in the universe was missing one of the jewels and one of the precious stones.” Marland dared to be Marland and I loved him for that. He enjoyed himself.

I got a lot of stories. Usually, I have to ask people..”give me some stories so I can talk about your loved one and make it personal”. I didn’t even ask you for any stories. Marland I think I told him when he asked me to preach at his funeral that I could preach 45 minutes. And he said “no…4 to 5 minutes”. So I’m going to go more than 4 to 5 but not 45 minutes.

Marland knew that life is a gift and he saw in the Good Shepherd’s psalm, goodness. “He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. (get the peaceful picture?) He restores my soul. He leads me in the path of righteousness”. Marland knew that his only righteousness was a gift from God because Jesus loved him. He was no phony person about his religion. He was just right down to earth. He knew that life was a gift and what we do with it is our gift back to God. So he wanted to life to 100. He made 78.

Enjoy. He enjoyed being married for 57 years to you precious one. And I said “You look so beautiful today.” And she said “I don’t feel so beautiful.” But you’re going to feel better when I get done. You’re going to know about JOY. And you already know that. 57 years. And they enjoyed each other. Oh, they didn’t always…they had some really good times. I can’t tell you about all those either. But one time I saw Marland not enjoy being married to LaVerne. It was in Mesa, AZ. We stopped for dinner and Marland, good kraut that he was, thought he was usually right about certain things at least, and he knew he was right about something, and she says, “You’re not right about that.” And so he put her to the test. He said, “I’ll bet you $100 that I’m right.” Barb & I witnessed this. She says, “You’re on!” We got to eat and we find out that Marland was wrong. And he did not enjoy peeling off five $20 bills at that table to give to you (LaVerne). That’s the only time I didn’t see him enjoy something.

He enjoyed his family…the pot lucks…the grand kids. The people in the Hospice room at the long term care center knew it. And head nurse said, “You know I’ve been in this setting a lot of times but I’ve never seen a family like yours.” The closeness and the love. I see in this place a lot of love…There’s a lot of joy that takes away the gloom…not the tears, but the gloom.

He had friends. You were right. He knew everybody. He knew people from all over. I’ll never forget the time in the garage..the softball team…all of them…from all over the United States…came in to spend the weekend in the nice townhouse…I don’t know where they all slept. I guess you sent to the motel for a while…We sat in a circle of about 16 people and we just had an enjoyable time. He enjoyed having fun.

He enjoyed playing sports. When he told me he never played sports in school…that he didn’t start playing softball until he had retired and went to Mesa. And Barb and I went and spent the weekend there and we went with them to a big tournament. We went there to get the sun. It rained every day and they had a tournament there where Marland played about 6 ball games on Sat and Sun and the cheerleaders of all those gray-haired guys playing ball out there which…. I couldn’t believe it…. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with them …the cheerleaders were all the spouses. And they sat there with them, with umbrellas and blankets cheering those old men playing ball.

Then we went dancing. Oh…leaving the wake last night I heard this song…”If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance”… I think Marland was singing it for us. If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance…in Marland’s memory. …in cowboy boots with a cowboy hat…He didn’t step on many toes except his own. When I dance I step on more toes than I do my own. He loved to dance. And my wife is the dancer in our family and they just danced until I got tired just watching them. He loved to dance.

He loved life. He loved to watch the Twins. That’s the only spectator thing he ever did was watch the Twins. And he would tell me that he batted over .600 with the softball league. And he was complaining a little bit. He got only one homerun or 2 homeruns in the weekend and only batted .600 and that wasn’t the best on the team. And I reminded him that you know the big people, the ones who make millions of dollars, would pray, hope that they could bat .300! And you’re complaining about .600? I think he had a good ball glove. I gave him my ball glove. I don’t think he had many errors with that glove. That glove wasn’t used to having many errors when people wore it. He was a great guy. He enjoyed it all.

He enjoyed work! Look at the places he’d worked and what a beautiful picture!(the memorial folder) Got to be for Marland..a hayrack ..did you ever put up hay with that kind of rack (referring to memorial folder picture)? No..he did! Beautiful!

He enjoyed his faith. And that’s why we’re here. Not to lift up the goodness of Marland but to lift up the goodness of Marland’s God, who makes it possible for us to be here in this place and know there’s a lot of love and there’s a lot of joy and there’s a lot of hope and there’s a lot of power. It’s that kind of stuff he leaves with us and we take with us …his sensitive spirit that we care about people …really care about his friends and his family…for he truly enjoyed all of life.

But he also saw that there was a part of life that at 78 you might have to be told “we’re not going to do anything more so..go home and get ready to die.” I asked him “Are you angry at anybody?” “no”

They say people die the way they live. I really mean that. If you’re a complainer when you live, guess what you’ll be doing on your death bed. But he died peacefully. He just fell asleep. And he knew you were with him. And we sang ‘Jesus Loves Me’ and we sang all kinds of songs. And that guitar player came in, the music therapist, and I asked him if he could play ‘The Quaker Song’. He looked at me surprised. He said, “ yeah, I know that.” And he played it and when he was all done he said “ I’m a Quaker.” And I gave him the old theology of that beautiful song of how we ‘turn, turn, turn and we bend and we come around’ and this is the just right place because this is reasonable to assume that life is seasonal. And he said, “You a preacher?” And I said, “yes, goodness and mercy follows me all the days of my life.” What do you want to follow you all the days of your life? Choose God’s goodness and mercy….will follow after me. Pick up the pieces and create peace so I can die peacefully, even though I would have liked to have lived to be 100. “Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me even in the presence of my enemies” and death is an enemy. Don’t sugarcoat it. We’ve lost a friend and a loved one. ‘But I shall dwell in the house of the Lord’ …how long? Forever…So that’s why we’re here. To say thank you, old buddy, for being you and having the courage to be Marland and so full of joy that you gave that to everybody who got close to you . wow…especially when you know where you’re going…